Unease and Story Writing
Some people like to make posts on a regular basis with some kind of schedule. I tend to just make posts whenever I feel like it. The mood suddenly took me, inspired when I went back and read over a fanfic that I was working on for Touhou. It’s called Corners of a Third Eye; the basic premise was that I wanted to write a possible origin story for the two sisters from Subterranean Animism. I imagined them being nothing but orphans in the Ancient City and that somehow they rose from the ashes to become the former Hell’s most powerful and most feared residents, eventually taking over the Palace of the Earth Spirits from whoever was ruling it before. It was part fairytale, part Perdido Street Station, part high fantasy with soaring magical duels throughout the insane and hellish architecture of the palace itself, much like you had in SA. The problem came when it was time to write the character who appeared in my last published chapter, Manna.
First off I couldn’t think of a better name for her. I remember reading in a children’s version of the Bible that when the Jews left Egypt and were given the bread from heaven by God they called it manna which meant “what’s this”. I don’t think that’s what it actually means but it was a childrens’ Bible. What kind of standard are you really going to expect? Second the more I thought about how I wanted her entrance into the story to play out, the more she seemed like some sort of Villain Sue. My plan was that she would use her power to manipulate hearts to enslave the more powerful youkai and establish some kind of fortress society with the chosen being brought to live under her protection while the weak were left on the outside to be hunted down by evil spirits. This would be contrasted by Satori and Koishi who have the power to read hearts and see through her deception, exposing her for who she really is in more ways than one. But really, I needed to avoid making her a Villain Sue since everyone loves her anyway (even if it’s just mind control) and I began to shy away because I felt that I wasn’t up to the task.
I recently read some reviews of it though, and I realised there are actually people who like my work. It’s not a question of my ego, although I was definitely happy to know that my writing doesn’t totally suck, but I feel that I owe it to all the people who were interested and who would like to see how the story ends to give them an ending. I realised that I need to stop chickening out and just write the damn thing, because if I don’t then I’ll never know whether it turned out the way I wanted to or not. I’ll definitely not turn Manna into a Villain Sue and eventually Satori and Koishi will have to stop running and fight for their happy ending. I want to do this. I really do. But I’ve gotta believe.